Thoughts on the road

Why would you love me?

I'm afraid that if I attribute myself compliments, that won't make me be them anymore.
I thought if you call yourself wise or humble you aren't it anymore.


How does this work?
How can I inflict love towards myself if I'm not to tell myself I am good things as well.
How do I manage to love myself and not degrade from the good things that would make someone love me?

In other words, if you love me and that blows my mind, how do I love myself like you do?

Or you don't look for good things, you just love yourself, by accept and being kind to yourself.
Maybe that's it

Acceptance and kindness towards one self can result in self love.
And only then you feel you deserve love from others.
Only then you quit feeling worthless, resentful and guilty.

Being truthful to your one self,
admitting to your flaws,
accepting them and let go of all,
you become free.


• Another thought I had when I was trying to calm my anger, telling myself that no one can fuck with your inner peace, unless you allow them to do so, was that:

How on Earth are you able as a human being to not get touched by people's chaos.
It ain't your war, (but it might be your challenge) but is it at all possible to remain at peace at war times?
Is it possible to accept them all, and stay focused in the present moment, or on your flaws while the war is happening?

I feel so tiny and million of miles away from reaching this amazing and humble way of being which is too big for my existence.
I found myself admiring the Universe that can love and accept all of us dirty and disgusting, diseased and proud, angry and resentful human beings.


It is beyond my comprehension how this is possible, even though in the back of my thoughts *I* feel entitled to be loved by the Universe because I ain't as dirty or as diseased as the worse of them all, and that thought is pathetic.


I caught myself, observing the world around me (not humans) feeling disappointed and sad but in the same time awesome in the true meaning of the word, I mean AWESOME and excited at the thought that I have access to knowledge of how to be, and having the opportunity to accept and alter my being.
That feeling of knowing that I can evolve and grow my being and access places I've never been able due to my insistence of limiting myself in all ways possible.

I found my cheeks burning with tears and my stomach frightened at the thoughts of being abandoned by the most valuable person in my life.
I felt my throat dry,
my heart pumping the blood in my veins, looking above them all,
grasping the immensity of the Cosmos.


How tiny I felt and how amazed at my existence,
my mouth opened.
I heard my heart whispered "Why. Me. Alive."

I felt beyond scared but somehow I managed to smile.
Even though my mouth hasn't done the most convincing grin, I knew my body was smiling.