if you're YOUNG and you just started, this is for you

Photo by Sasha Freemind

I've had a discussion lately with one special teenager that happens to be part of my life, that also led me to this video.
Which made me go back to remember my teenager years.

If you'd ask me to sum up those years, I'd say CONFUSION

Your first time when you become aware of your body,
your looks,
your SELF.
First time you become aware that YOU is YOU and YOU exists.
First time when existential questions arise, like
Who am I?
Where do I go? and so on...

Somehow, deep down, you know you're confused.

That's when you identify yourself with your peers, trying to figure out where you fit.
That's when social pressure doesn't allow you to just be, with no fears.


So you're doubtful, and fearful that you will never fit
And you end up copying the ones you think that have "everything" in your young eyes.
Your value system is forming, depending on your courage and perhaps many other factors, you either allow yourself to be swallowed by a narrative that doesn't resonate with your heart, just so you FIT in.
Or in exceptional cases, you find your courage to rebel against your peers, and follow your heart.

Now, don't feel bad if you are in the first category.
Most of the people happen to be in the first category.

And that's when I think LEADERSHIP comes into play.
How important is to lead the confused youth to the path to themselves?
A decade later, I would argue that the importance of true leadership it's immensely under appreciated, and undervalued.

We're more than often, led by sheep or dogs, not wolves.
And what are sheep good at?
Following each other, and do the same thing every day, until the rest of their lives.
Who leads sheep?
Mostly dogs.
How do dogs lead sheep?
By worrying them.

If you don't go to school, you're a retard!
If you don't go to college you won't get a job!
If you don't get a job, you're going to end up homeless!
and so on...

How many of you, haven't heard the same narratives over and over again?

It's natural to roll your eyes over these statements, but not because that they're boring, nor that the ones that are saying have more authority than you, but because they're stealing your voice, thoughts, freedom.

How many times have you been given a voice?
At home, at school, in your friends group,in your household?

Now, what are your options?

We all tend to rebel against rules, parents or school when we're young.
Actually, we tend to rebel since we were 2 years old. And it's quite a natural way of being, we're testing.
Testing the grounds, the patience and the kindness of the other peers of the group.
We're testing until we're stopped, and perhaps we're trying our luck even further until the adults are firmly letting us know, that that was enough.

But we tend to rebel in silly ways, like rolling our eyes, or sulking, or even having an outburst of frustration back at our parents, and so on.

I would call this, unconstructive rebellious acts, that come from the reactivity of an untamed Ego.
Basically, you're emotionally out of control, because you don't know how to control yourself.
It's like your first walking steps, wobbling.
You have little self awareness, you're not yet capable of catching your reactions before you let them out, and you end up saying things that in a grown up world make no sense, they're just reactive
behaviors at the discomfort of your own being.

But by you back to your room, or telling you that's inappropriate to talk if not asked, won't help you control your Egoistic reactions, nor understand why this is happening to you.


It leaves you thinking that there's something wrong with you, because no one approves of you,


Simplifying what's happening , can lead with a lot of troubles in you adult life and how you're going to relate in other relationships.


Does that make rebellious behavior bad?
If you're going to rebel yourself with no arguments other than reactions to the environment, most likely yes.

But what about when you rebel fueled by the courage of your own heart?
What if when you don't agree with what anyone demands of you, you start asking yourself why?


"Why is that I don't agree with their opinion, and what can I do constructively to show them the contrary?"

What if you could come up with constructive ideas about why you disagree with anyone's perspective?


What if you prove that you're capable of solving problems of whatever irritates you? like, perhaps schedules or going to school?


What if you prove you can become the best version of yourself without having to follow what society expects of you?


What if instead of moaning about chores, you educate yourself in how to code a machine to do it for you?


What if, instead of trying to earn the approval of that "cool" Chad so you can be part of his group, you become the leader of your own group.


That's interested in what YOU are interested in, so you don't have to give away your ideas, and thoughts just so you FIT. IN.

And of course, this is way of being is not for the majority.
It's for the ones that want to reach the top, and are not pleased to be at the bottom.
You ought to be prepare to go through a pipe of shit until you reach your desired outcome.
You need to be prepared to "loose" spending time with the "cool" kids, to "loose" the title of popularity in school, or even in your family.


From now on, you need to start to respect your FUTURE SELF, making sure every choice you make will benefit YOU in the future.

Even if that means to fill your room with your dreams written on shitty yellow notes, ... to remind the FUTURE YOU, WHERE YOU're HEADING it's far more important than anyone has ever said to you.

You need to be prepared to fail and start all over again, again and again.

Don't be a sheep, nor a DOG, but a WOLF.

So again, what are the realistic choices of a teenager?


First of all you need to figure out yourself.
What you like?
What you value?
What do you love?

Identify your values, so if you can't yet lead yourself, you find someone that you truly admire, someone that shares the same core values, someone you look up to.
Copy them, research their journey, ask them for guidance if at all possible.

I strongly suggest to write about you, like you'd write about a friend.
Describe this friend, figure out his/hers weaknesses, strengths, and so on...
Ask for feedback from others, be prepared to be criticized. If you get offended, it's most likely true.


Learn to know yourself, that's a step, probably the most important step.
Once you truly identify your true self, rather than copying your friends so you can fit somewhere, only then you'll start to understand where you're heading to.
And don't forget that what you write today, it's not going to stay like that forever.


Existence, ideas, perspective are fluid.


You're going to change, your path will change with your choices.

and don't forget to enjoy the journey.

Have fun, in a constructive way, your future you will thank you for that later.



Watch the video here: